I am that I am

I wrote this 2 years ago! I am clearing my draft blog posts and this makes me laugh to read it…yet still remains true..

Mantra: I am that I am

I am 38 now and have been waving the single ladies flag for over 10 years. As I get closer to my forties, I am regularly asked “Are you getting married? You better put yourself out there. You are too picky.” and when I respond, “No love for me. I am hard pressed to get a date, let alone married.” and am met with faces of disappointment, sighs and offers to set me up, well meaning quotes about how the perfect fella is being made perfect for me and on his way, don’t lose hope, enquiries about my last date and reassurance that love will happen when I least expect it to – just like a butterfly landing. Slightly annoying as people seem more interested in my dating status than how I am, my personal wellbeing, my pursuits, goals and intentions, my personal wins, my life today, my passion and my purpose. Sure – I have a tonne of dating mishaps and misadventures, some funny and some not, and I have a wicked sense of humour, yet I don’t want to be the butt of dinner table dating jokes at my expense.

Further to this, am I not enough the way I am? Do I look incomplete like I am missing something and a sad soul? I don’t feel depressed and I know what depression feels like. I don’t feel sad and do wonder with irony what the fuss is about. Then I remember, to run your own course is to run against the grain. A single man my age with grey hair is a bachelor whereas a woman like me, late 30s, is fast becoming a lost cause with ovaries drying up quicker you can say ‘Boo’ and is at high risk of being left on the shelf whilst youngens around me are getting married, quicker than I can say ‘Boo’. Of course, I love love. Who doesn’t love to be loved and to love? In saying that, it’s important to share the value of living in the now and celebrating me, with or without a significant lover or other rather than focus on “In the future when….”. Here and now, I feel complete and will continue to be complete whether I do or don’t find Mr Right and have one or several babies or perhaps even none. The moon is the same volume and always full, regardless of the phase it is in. Am I not the same? Full and ever present, regardless of the phase I am in. Yes, I am and I know that. I am that I am. I only wish my communities would see me the way I see me. Full and ever present, regardless of the exterior.

Part of yoga extends beyond the mat…into daily life and mindfulness about what you can and can’t control…you/we cannot control what other people say or do. But, we have power to choose our own actions and create our own lives..mantras are incredible and a way to still the mind when it feels like there is lots of chatter about…

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