My journey into 50 dates and beyond: heart chakra opening

The year was 2016. My best friend said to me “Roxy, this is your year. I can feel it. You are going to find your man.”

“Hell yeah!” I said loudly….”Yaasssss Queen!”

Months later, 2 rounds of speed dating down, falling in love with a traveller (not from speed dating), one broken heart later after he returned home, time spent writing poetry to grieve the loss of what could have been and waving sage around my house to allow new love to flow into my space, cleanse, release and clear my chakras, the year rolled into 2017.

My best friend said “Roxy, this is your year! You’re beautiful. You are going to find your man. I know it.”…I said “Yaasssss Queen!”

Months later, 1 more round of speed dating down, multiple texts, follow up dates, being rejected, doing some rejecting, dancing around my home with sage, the year rolled into 2018. I heard someone wise (I think it was an Instagram meme) say – rejection is just a re-direction. Re-directing myself into 2018, my best friend said “This is your year for love!” and I said “Yes. Totally! I am so ready!!”

Ready, I was not. I met a gorgeous man training to be a social worker, we started dating and poof, like a magician – he disappeared. I remember being so hurt when he ghosted me. I thought he would be better than this and at least let me know how he felt rather than cold turkey, I mean he was training to be a social worker and aren’t social workers sensitive? I tried hard not to double text. But, I did and was left on “seen”….and I realised….I am not ready to date because it felt so hard and I was so disappointed love didn’t blossom. So I took a break after 50 dates (yes, 50). I was burnt out. 

I started to burn more sage in my home to clear out old energy and create space for new love, new opportunities and new beginnings, released my dating and love dreams and embraced more gym and more yoga and more meditation, volunteering, working, studying…in another Instagram meme full of wisdom, I read that ultra-independence is a trauma response. I am proud of how strong I am and that I am independent. Yet, I did think to myself — is this lack of me letting love in and attracting emotionally unavailable dates a trauma response? Cue – more yoga, meditation, gym, sage, journalling, down a slope of self-enquiry..

Being a yoga teacher, I tried (and still am working on this) to make sense of my world and thought about the heart chakra. First of all, what the heck is a heart chakra?

What is a chakra? Chakras in yogic tradition refer to 7 energy centres along the spinal chord. When one of these energy centres gets blocked, this is when illness may start to occur or when life may not flow or it may feel a bit more challenging in some areas to navigate life, whether that is health, or family life or relationships, or money. This article gives an overview of the chakra system.

The heart chakra is the energy centre where your heart is, around the middle of your chest (hence the name!)…and when this chakra is blocked, a few things can result. Like difficulty with breathing in physically and also being able to emotionally give and receive love, kindness and compassion. You can read more about what happens with a heart chakra imbalance here. So — I have been working to release my heart chakra through physical poses like back bends in yoga (sphinx pose, wheel pose, locust) and working through releasing energy that is stuck in my body…

Years on, my mind and heart feels like it has re-set and I finally feel more open to the possibilities. In love. In life. In work…

Fast forward to 2021, 18 months into a pandemic, into Brisbane’s 5th lockdown. If now is not the perfect time to get back into dating, when is? Lol. Nothing like a pandemic to bring the heart chakra to mind!

Now, here I am. Reading blogs on how to date again, questions to ask on a first date to build connection, doing my best to be extra funny and witty in my chats, ready to re-set this ultra-independence trauma response to allow myself to love and to be loved. After all, I preach about this every week in yoga classes and harp on about how important it is to open the heart chakra in times like these. Time to take my own advice.

I have reached out to several dating agencies. The $5K 12 month dating agency membership is a bit of a deterrent at the moment as I have not scoped dating membership fees into my yearly budget (wowsers – I know, I’m still in shock about the $5K dating fee!!!). But, I am happy because I have energetically and enthusiastically said “Yes” to love and the possibilities and dating. 
I have signed up to Bumble and my profile is blunt and reads: Single for 12 years, not dating for 3/4 years, seeking a relationship, seeking dates. 

I am meeting the loveliest of men online…and some not so lovely men! Throw in some dodgy ones with unsolicited underwear pics. It’s not online dating if there aren’t any unsolicited pics, right? Wrong! That’s harassment, folks. Please don’t put up with unsolicited pics. I’m not a prude (honest), however, I didn’t ask for them and was shocked to find one in my phone at 5:30am. I’m not a nun – but it’s like – Helllloo??? And yes, there is definitely ghosting involved and it feels shocking at times, especially when I thought the conversation was flowing. Yet, ghosting doesn’t hurt as much as it did previously. Cue Beyonce’s ‘Best thing I never had’ on repeat. I have been on 2 dates with really lovely guys. There won’t be a second date, but I am so pleased to put myself out there.

I have not found love! Albeit, it’s only been 3 months into dating again. That said, I am dating with what feels like a different approach this time. Heart and mind open to what could be without getting attached. If one thing life is always teaching me…it’s that the journey is as important as the destination. I am continuing to embrace what it is to be single and fabulous. And remembering that I don’t need a significant other to live a full and complete life. I know that and yet want to share with you and for my crew embracing single life and reaching out to those dipping their toes back into the dating world for whatever that reason may be. It’s not crazy to want love in a pandemic; to be able to hold someone and to be held.

Here are my thoughts for y’all saying yes to dating again; take it with a grain of salt and a whole lot of love and humour.
– Remember how amazing you are! Paired up or not. Your worth does not go up or down with your relationship status.

– Be OK with being vulnerable. It’s scary and I get it. I freaked out writing my dating profile…and survived. So will you.

– Be honest with your profile. Recent pics please!

– Have fun. If you feel like dating is a chore, perhaps take a break (I took a 3/4 year break! So no harm, no foul).

– Practice makes perfect. As you date, you will begin to see what’s important to you and what’s not and be able to identify your values.

– Be kind. You don’t have to like everyone you meet; let them know in a kind and respectful way.

– Be safe, consent is sexy. Your no is equally as important as your yes.

– A date does not mean marriage…it’s to see how you get along and how you feel. Honour your feelings and respect theirs.

– Lastly, keep practicing yoga! I am a yoga teacher after all, and this is a yoga blog. I will always encourage good physical, emotional and mental health and wellbeing and for you to keep practicing yoga, meditating, burning sage, cleansing your space and releasing what no longer serves to keep your mind, body, heart and soul unified and open and happy regardless of the outcome! Your energy is your currency. May you find love, if you want it, with someone who shares the same vibrational energy as you and may you bring eachother much love and joy. 🙂

And lastly, it’s the process of the dating journey of opening up the heart chakra that matters the most…not the destination, right? 

With love, Roxy xx

Photo by Susn Matthiessen on Unsplash