What if the greatest love story you can tell… is the story about how you love yourself fully? What if you were to love yourself with abandon: whether you are happily paired up, or in an unhappy union, or happy and single or miserable and single.
Society, Hollywood, advertising campaigns, Aunties and Uncles, brothers and sisters, love songs, movies and the media tells us stories of Happily Ever After and we will be full and complete when we do something. Only when we meet someone, when we go somewhere, attain something and only then, will we be complete.
But, what if you were to flip this thinking? And to fall in love with yourself, imperfections and all.
What if you were to treat yourself like the love you adore?
What if you were to speak good words, think good thoughts and act with good intentions to yourself?
I went to a spiritual talk at Australian School of Meditation and Yoga last year about finding love. Gayatri is a Spiritual Teacher and didn’t talk about writing down a partner wish list to manifest Mr Right. Gayatri shared this idea about instilling self-love internally rather than placing conditional love with someone else, something, some place. As someone who loves to love and loves to be in love and be loved by beautiful men, it did make me think, do I pay myself the same love and respect I show to others? Not always.
I attended Bex Tyrer’s course at Yoga Barn in May 2019. We talked about intimacy and that intimacy is not always physical or sexual. A key insight that came through was this idea of intimate listening (sans mobile phones ;-)), ‘soul mates’ and the expectation we typically place on a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. We often expect (not always) our spouse to be our ‘everything’ and meet every intimate need: be a confidante’, counsellor, career guidance officer, money advisor, cleaner, excellent listener, best friend, funny, great in bed, bearer of all knowledge and always available to talk and know the right words to say when life goes awry. These are big shoes for one person to fill and does beg the question – is it fair to expect one person to be everything?
I feel it is too much responsibility and expectation to place on someone else.
What if we allowed our significant other to be who they are without asking them to twist and change constantly? Instead, embracing yourself fully as you are, whether you are single or happily paired up.
What if we looked within to see the love that exists already and that we have an innate ability to tap into personal guidance and resilience to find the magic and love we seek?
I am not saying that you can’t experience love with someone else. The depth and width of love between people can move mountains. Love shared is truly beautiful and fills the heart.
What I am saying is – what if you loved yourself fully as you are and accepted and loved other people as they are, without expectations. Recognising that you can get emotional and intimate needs met from other connections in life.
For example, there may be other people better equipped than your spouse to give you career advice or financial planning guidance…rather expecting him/her to be everything and feel disappointed when they fall short.
Also, recognising that love changes. What is right one day is not always right the next day, the next year or even the next decade. Promises of forever are not always kept forever because people naturally change and the human spirit is ever-evolving.
In my mind, by fostering a deep sense of self-love, you can equip yourself to be resilient in the face of changing love without being afraid to love fully. What if you were to wish yourself a Happy Valentine’s Day every day and love yourself and others with abandon? What would your world look like then?
Wishing you deep love and a beautiful Valentine’s Day!
P.S This is my February affirmation: I am divine love