Surrender

“Let go”. I have been told so many times by different people
to Let. It. Go. While I was working on an advertising campaign that have gone
awry, during heated arguments my brothers, I have heard it from well-meaning
friends to let bad relationships go. I struggled with this for many years,
because once I commit, I commit! You have my 200% commitment and I expect
everyone else to commit at the same level, so to let go felt like I was
accepting defeat. Goodness knows I am quiet, but I can be dog-headed and I like
to fight a good fight. Ego talking? More than likely, yes. But, I do subscribe
to the thinking, commit or leave it alone. Don’t do it half-heartedly, walk
away if you don’t want to commit.

So, when my yoga teacher said to “Not force” poses it took
me a while to do. When I first started practicing regularly, I tried hard in my
poses and went class after class and getting into my yoga routine was hard! My
body felt clumsy, I was stiff, my breathing did not match the movement and I
had to be disciplined to go regularly and make time. I stood in my first class
looking at these bendy people and tried hard to keep up, uncoordinated moving
my elbow when the teacher said knee and pulling muscles I didn’t know I had.

Despite the sore muscles and how thirsty I became after
class, I continued going. People think yoga is full of bendy and beautiful
people thanks to Instagram yoga feeds, but they don’t tell you about anatomy
behind movement, biomechanics, the body getting rid of tightness or what you
didn’t know you were carrying – emotional and physical baggage, the link
between poses and the chemicals in your body and how you feel. Despite this, I
was hooked and never left a class feeling worse than when I arrived. Slowly, slowly
I got into my yoga routine and it is now a part of my life, I don’t even think
about making time. Yoga practice is natural as it is breathing for me and
making it a part of my day. I feel like I am in my yoga zone. It has only taken
me 10 years of on and off yoga and 2 years of regular practice to get here! I
still have a long way to go but I am on this yoga journey and am learning to surrender.

To let go does not mean I have a devil may care, caution to
the wind attitude. It means I am setting my intentions daily and working
towards my yoga goals, personal, career, love, health, travel, finance and
family goals and putting in the effort to get there, but also getting to a
point where I do let go of the result. The intention is there, the groundwork
is there along with persistence and all the positive vibes I can muster, but
there comes a point where I have to let go. Some days are easier than others
when I want a specific outcome and I want it now! But, I now find I am the one
telling my friends to “Let go” and “not force it”. Universe knows best.

Peace! xx

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